Rajnikanth Jokes

(Update Dec 20, 2010: Some new ones added. Credits to Prashant Soni)

Recently China airports were closed due to heavy fog, later it was discovered that Rajnikant was smoking in India!

Rajnikant did his KG from seven different places, today those places are known as IITs!

Government of India pays tax to Rajnikant for living in India!

Definition of Solar Eclipse: When Rajnikant stares at Sun with anger, sun hides behind the moon. This phenomena is called solar eclipse

Think about what would have happened if Rajnikant was born 150 years ago? British would have fought for independence

Why do Earthquakes occur? Because at that time Rajnikant's mobile is on vibration mode

Why did Rajni buy an acre of land with 4 wells on wach corner? To play carrom..

Before Tom Cruise, Rajani was approached for the movie Mission Impossible, but Rajani refused as he found the title insulting.

Rajnikanths next project. Titanic in Tamil. Climax revised. Both survive. Rajnikant swims across the Atlantic Ocean with heroine in one hand and… Titanic in the other.

The Sardarji Association has decided to donate one hundred billion dollars to Rajanikant as a token of thanks for shifting people's focus away from them!!

Rajnikant can count real numbers

Only Rajni can dislike on Facebook

Rajnikant was born on 30th February. since then February decided not to give this day to anybody else

When Rajnikant hits facebook.com, facebook updates its status message!

Rajni once killed 20 men just by saying "BANG"

Rajni will be the star lead in the remake of the movie '300'. It will now be called '1'

Rajnikant first takes Gold Medal and then starts the race

Paul the Octopus was asked to predict when Rajnikant will die. Paul died....!!

Rajnikant has counted to infinty - Twice

Micheal Jordan to Rajni : I can spin a ball on my finger for over 2 hours. Can you?
Rajni : Rascala; how do you think the earth spins!?

Once upon a time, while playing, Rajnikanth said "statue" to a girl... Now that statue is known as "Statue of Liberty"!

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than death can process them.

Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajanikanth can kill a shark by drowning it.

When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,............. he turns the darkness off.

When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror it shatters, because the mirror is not stupid enough to get in between the two Rajanikanths

Rajanikanth's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one can fool Rajanikanth.

Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was feeling cold, so brought the sun closer to heat the earth up.

Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass...at night.

It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch "60 Minutes" on TV.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects that Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

If you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes it as a personal insult.

When Rajnikant does pushups, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.

Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, he decides what time it is!!

Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.

Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills, they just made him blink.

Chuck Norris once met Rajinikanth. The result – He was reduced to a joke on the internet.

Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the ninth book.

Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.

Rajinikanth gave the Joker those scars.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajinikanth.

10 actors have played the role of James Bond. No one has been able to enact Rajnikant… THE REAL JAMES BOND.

Why do you think there are no superheroes in india…. Simple… no one can invade Rajnikant’s territory.

Rajanikanth can delete the Recycling Bin.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Rajanikanth’s PC will crash.

Rajnikant’s email id is gmail@rajnikant.com

If you Google search ‘Rajnikant getting kicked’, you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.

Google won’t find Rajinikanth because you don’t find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.

Rajinikanth can make PCs better than the Mac.

If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajanikanth?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”

The only man who ever outsmarted Rajinikanth was Stephen Hawking, and he got what he deserved.

When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

Rajinikanth knows what women really want.

Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.

Rajinikanth sneezed only once in his entire life, that’s when the tsunami occurred in the Indian ocean.

As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.

Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.

The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.

Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.

Rajinikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.

Rajinikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhury’s.

Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.

Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.

Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret.

Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.

Rajinikanth got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.

There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.

Rajnikanth can divide by zero.

Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.

Rajinikanth did in fact, build Rome in a day.

Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.

Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.

Rajnikant’s every step is a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of his morning jog!

Where there is a will, there’s a way. Where there is Rajnikant, there is no other way!!

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai!

Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Rajnikant can make calls from his iPod to his iPad

Once Rajnikaant signed a cheque… and the Bank bounced!

Once Death had ‘near Rajnikant experience’ !!

When GOD is shocked he exclaims “Oh my Rajnikaant!”‌

Great mystery solved : the missing piece of apple in Apple’s Logo was eaten by Rajnikant!!

The world is not ending in 2012…. Rajnikant just bought a laptop with 3 yrs warranty!!‌

Rajnikant knows the exact value of Pi upto a Googol

Rajnikant knows what came first, chicken or egg!!

Rajnikant once won an argument with his wife